thingpuncher | @glavesworn.

Midnighter just looks down at his hands, empty now. When I'm lost in the dark, you're the light I see. Midnighter's breaths grow heavy, caught in his throat. He felt that way about Apollo for so long... the thought that someone might feel like he's some anchor, some saving grace, a restful influence, it's almost too much, the responsibility of it, the fear. All he's got are strings of failures where relationships are concerned.

He looks up at Nyx, alone and speaking of himself like he's not everything Midnighter knows he is. He can't be scared when he has something to do. So he just does what he's always done: keeps moving forward.

He stands, and gently places a hand on Nyx's hip, trying to draw him in. "It's not about deserving," Midnighter says, voice soft. "Fuck what other people say you deserve. I just..." He looks away for a moment, and then finally becomes annoyed with his own petty fears. He looks back at Nyx's face. Fuck, he could stare at that for ages. Just focus on that. "I thought I wasn't enough for you."

Nyx is silent for a moment, because it's not about what other people say he deserves, and even in this tender moment, both of them raw and aching, vulnerabilities bared, he doesn't know how to put voice to the thoughts that've been circling in the back of his head for years, never spoken, barely acknowledged, but always there.

There's nothing for you here. I'll be dead before the end of this war. All that big talk about creating a future for other people and I don't think there's one waiting for me. You deserve more than a man living on borrowed time.

But Midnighter's touch is, as always, irresistible, and Nyx lets himself be pulled in, though the line of his shoulders is still taut, spine rigid with tension. He lets out a shaky breath, lowering his head to gingerly rest his forehead against Midnighter's shoulder.

"It's not that." Never, never. "The opposite, maybe."

That's a dick joke in the making, but Nyx is still too keyed up to do more than flash a smile like a wince up at Midnighter.

And Midnighter holds him, petting the spike of jelled hair behind his ear, kissing his temple, and trying to let his heartbeat fade into the moment. He can tell Nyx is still tense, rubbed raw from all of this, and Midnighter isn't a healer, he's not made for kindness or respite. He doesn't know how to fix things, not really, he just knows how to break and break until something new can grow in the rubble. But this, this man is something he desperately wants preserved.

"Then I'll stay," he says, because that's what matters. "If you'll have me."

He should ask about why Nyx is fucking around on him, if he's so fucking important, but from the way Nyx acted, it's probably cultural. Some new, fresh misunderstanding, some other cue he's missed. He ought to just accept it, even if it makes him twitch a little. He'll get over it, probably. He will for Nyx, if that's what he needs.

Nyx closes his eyes, trying to force himself to relax into Midnighter's embrace, but despite everything he's still stiff and uneasy against him.

I love you. Even now, having heard the words from Midnighter himself, his mind instinctively tries to shy away. It's hard to imagine, hard to believe it's all real. He'd never meant to lead Midnighter on like this, so what had he done wrong? How had he-- No. None of that's important anymore, only the consequences-- Midnighter won't go, and this isn't goodbye. What now, then? What does that mean for the both of them?

(The thought that Midnighter might want to hear the words echoed back, to be reassured and asked to stay, doesn't even occur to him. Of course Nyx cares for him. Of course he wants him here, by his side.)

"I've never, uh..." Never applies to a lot of things. Never had or expected anything more serious than friends-or-comrades-with-benefits. Never made himself vulnerable like this, not with anyone. Never been loved, not before Midnighter. Never felt this way before, with anyone else. Is that love? Nyx doesn't know.

"I don't know what the fuck I'm doing," he finishes with a short laugh, a little less forced this time. "All of this," a little gesture encompassing the two of them, "it's a first for me."

His chest feels a little lighter, having put that all out there, and Nyx turns his head to press a gentle kiss to Midnighter's throat, a hand coming up to tenderly cup his cheek.

And Midnighter lets his eyes close, relaxing into Nyx's tattooed hand and calloused fingers. This is what belonging feels like. It doesn't matter what comes next. He'll have this moment to remember, to call back to. He reaches up to cover Nyx's hand, holding it there so he can turn his head to kiss Nyx's wrist.

Voice tender, as soft as he ever gets, he murmurs, "don't stab me." And then smiles. "Manage that, and I think you'll be fine."

That earns a snort from Nyx as he turns to hide a smile against Midnighter's skin. He's so warm, warm and solid and so fucking handsome, so utterly gentle with him. Nyx's breath catches in his throat at the light brush of lips over his wrist, but for once it's not guilt that washes over him in a wave, but something else entirely, warm and tingling and sweet.

"Damn, don't know if I can meet your high standards," he says, and goes up on his toes to press a hard kiss to Midnighter's mouth, wanting to share the moment, the sweetness that fills him to the brim. When he pulls back, there's a flicker of that familiar cocky grin over his lips, and the look in his eyes is all heat and yearning.

"So... are we good?"

Midnighter kisses back, and the look he sees when he pulls away answers the questions Nyx didn't. He'd like to hear I love you, please stay, I need you, all of that shit. Maybe Nyx will say it someday. But for right now... he can hear it in Nyx's voice, see it in his face... maybe. He thinks so. He was never too good at reading people at moments like this, but, fuck, he wants to believe in it, believe in Nyx.

"Yeah. We're good." He ducks down for another peck, and stays there, hiding in the warmth of Nyx's skin. "Sorry for being such a jealous bastard. Try to be less of one. Just hard, when you look like this."

A hand goes to grab at Nyx's ass, wanting that comfortable familiarity back, the stupid jokes and sweetness.

Nyx lets out a soft huff of laughter as Midnighter nuzzles into him, putting his arms around his neck. Astrals, that's good, this is what he'd missed during those long, cold nights out in the field, shrapnel-shredded and soaked to his skin in daemon ichor, still thinking of the roughness of Midnighter's cheek, the shape of his lips and the surge of his hips instead of the mission before him. Not to mention this past week, checking his phone between beers, before and after training sessions, to the point where Pelna had laughingly asked whether he was waiting to hear back on a better job offer.

He presses back against Midnighter with a low purr, kneading at his shoulders while nipping at the curve of his ear. Fuck, the ass-grabbing feels great, but more than that, it's the way Midnighter doesn't... play coy with him, doesn't make any question of how much he wants him, and more than for just the night or as long as it takes for him to get off. Over the years, Nyx has had his share of lovers, fuckbuddies, and one night stands, and in all that time he'd never expected them to value him for more than what he could do for them between the sheets. Even with friends like Crowe and Pelna, it'd just been a matter of blowing off steam, a fun and convenient tumble. And that's fine, that's... about what he expected, he'd never ask for more. But Midnighter seems to want him to stick around, stay for breakfast, hell, stay all day if he likes, reaching for him in the crisp light of morning with an eager grin, all desire, and that's...

I think... I want you for a very long time. Murmured in the dark of night, with Nyx half asleep in his arms. Maybe that's what love feels like, this warm welcome, this fierce and sweet wanting, utterly terrifying. It's a new sensation, being desired like this, but Nyx thinks... maybe he could get used to it? (At least until...)

"Hey, don't worry about it. The other stuff is... it's just sex, you know. Doesn't mean anything."

It's meant to be reassuring, even as he trails kiss after playful kiss over Midnighter's cheek, pressing the last tenderly against the corner of his mouth. Nyx doesn't know how Midnighter found out about his other bedmates, and truth be told, he doesn't really care-- not like he'd made an effort to keep it on the down low, or like it was some big secret. Drautos had never cared which of his Glaives were fucking, so long as they could do the job. But Midnighter had seemed so upset about it earlier, and Nyx... honestly still can't quite put his finger on why.

Midnighter nods, hmming quietly while he ignores how the words make his heart thud. He gets it, now. These are his options. This is who Nyx is. "I didn't get it," he says, just letting himself luxuriate in the feel of Nyx back in his arms. "Where I'm from, when you do what you did, it... it means you don't give a shit." He sighs, and it turns into a snort of laughter. "My friends told me to dump your ass. But- I get it now. That's just the way things are, here, right? I won't- I can't ask you to be somebody you're not."

Nyx glances up at that, expression faintly surprised. Is that what Midnighter had thought? That he didn't give a fuck about him? Nothing could be further from the truth... but then again, he doesn't exactly want Midnighter thinking that Eos is full of damaged fuckups like Nyx is either.

"It's not that different in here. People pair off and shack up, have kids and families, all that. They just usually," and he flashes Midnighter a weak grin, nudging him in the ribs, "usually discuss it first. But it's just... not for me."

He looks down. This is the important part, the part Nyx should have told Midnighter from the start. An immutable truth of what it means to be with him, a fact that Nyx had long since accepted in his heart. He just never thought it would be so damn hard to spit it out now.

"I've been doing this a long time, M. Soldiering... and screwing around whenever I had the chance. Being a Glaive, it's not exactly a gig with a long life expectancy. So, I just took things day by day and never, uh... planned on getting serious. Ever."

He almost says I never wanted anything serious, ever, but that seems like kind of a dick move after Midnighter's confession, even if it was true. Is it true? Thinking of that tingling warmth that had filled him when Midnighter held him, soothing a bone-deep ache he hadn't even realized was there... he doesn't know. Nyx closes his eyes, forces himself to finish.

"Always thought it would be kind of a shithead thing to do, leaving someone waiting, never knowing when they'd get word that I wasn't coming back."

When, not if.

Midnighter winces, just slightly. He knows he moves too fast. That doesn't decrease his love for the man. Nothing, it seems, will. "I thought, after-" No, shut up, shut up. "Nevermind. I thought it was... unspoken."

He's such an idiot.

"Then we're both shitheads. I worry about that, too." He sighs. "Listen, as long as you're... as long as I'm not some joke or plaything, you should do whatever makes you happy. I can't change you. I don't want to."

"...You make me happy." Said so quietly it's barely audible, and he can't look up and meet Midnighter's gaze because otherwise he might lose his nerve altogether. But Nyx feels he owes it to the man to make that much clear. If nothing else, if he-- if he kicks the fucking bucket tomorrow then he'll have at least said it.

Still feels kinda shitty. Shitty and stupid and like he's just been flayed within an inch of his life by the business end of a tonberry's knife, he feels so bruised and raw. Fuck. Nyx shakes his head with a low scoff before giving Midnighter's shoulder a playful shove, trying to recapture the easy camaraderie and affection they'd shared before.

"Forget all the crap. We're both idiots, alright? Call it even." He's had enough of hard feelings and harder confessions for one night. After all this... Nyx can't help but hope, a little selfishly, that things can just go back to mostly the way they were. "I don't know how long you've got between jobs, but I'm just about at the end of my leave, so I wanna really spend it with you, not talking about how we fucked up. Besides, that Ardyn asshole's still running around, and just 'cause you can't punch his ticket right this second doesn't mean we can't lay a finger on him. I need to make a report, even if I leave you out of most of it. They might send me in undercover, which is gonna be pretty fucking funny to see."

Midnighter doesn't quite manage not to gasp. For a half-second, he looks awe-struck, but he catches himself, eyes crinkling into a smile. If Nyx wants something, god dammit, he'll have it. "Okay, babe." He pulls Nyx a little closer, pressing his face to Nyx's temple, steadying himself for the half-second it takes.

"How long've you got? I wanna spend it with you. I'll forward my calls. It's all you. Whatever you want, I don't care. I fucking missed you."

How many times has he said that? I missed you. And each time, Nyx carries it off with a joke. And eahc time, Midnighter completely, truly means it.

There it is, that bit of familiarity Nyx was hoping for, like the lyrics to a song he already knows by heart. But even now, it's different. Nyx feels it like a sweet pang in his chest, like someone plucking on his heartstrings to hear the thrum. I love you. I missed you.

"Bet I know what you missed," he says, like he does every time, but the expression on his face is tentative and very warm as he carefully takes Midnighter's face into his hands, letting his palms smooth over rough cheeks to press a tender kiss to his mouth, adoring and chaste. Gently, gently, he nuzzles into the kiss, letting it linger before finally drawing away with a playful nip to his bottom lip.

"Got about a day, maybe two. Could spend the whole time in bed with you, that'd be nice," At least, he thinks maybe that's what Midnighter would like, but truth be told Nyx kind of wants to... get out, get away. Away from the thin walls of his apartment, the cracks in the plaster, his creaky mattress, away from the heavy, humid storms of Insomnia, now sunk deep in its rainy season, the training grounds, all the places he already knows by heart. "But... if you get a call, or you got a job, I wanna come with."

There's a whole other world (worlds?) out there and the most Nyx has seen of it so far has been through the blinds of Midnighter's windows. For a while he'd tried not to think too hard about it, give himself a headache, but after all of today's fuckery... he could use a change of pace. Something wholly, utterly new, free of all the bullshit of his duty and this shitty war.

"It's not fair, y'know." Said with a smile, teasing as he smooths a hand over Midnighter's bicep. "You got to fight shit and kill big ass monsters in my world, don't I get to return the favor?"

Is that what he wants? Well, who is Midnighter to deny him? He'd like nothing better than to spend his time staring at Nyx's face, touching his body and not giving a shit about anything else, but he can look at Nyx plenty when he's on the job. Midnighter's smile twitches.

"I've got a few jobs I've been waiting for backup on," he says, expression more fond than it should be when he's talking about this kind of shit. "Could use some help, if you're up for it. Delicate shit, you know."

"Delicate shit, huh? That all I'm good for?" Said with a smirk, all mock outrage and cocky swagger as he presses up against Midnighter.

Nyx slides a hand down his chest, tracing the lines of hard muscle, over his chest and abdomen to give his groin a rough squeeze. Eyelids at half mast, his voice comes out a low purr.

"Tell me more about these jobs."

Midnighter gasps, hissing through his teeth. "The- job," Midnighter says through a groan, "that you're distracting me from?"

God damn, Nyx is beautiful. How the fuck could he think about walking away from this? He's gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous; Midnighter never realized how delicate his features could be in the right light, the right angle. He puts his hand to the back of Nyx's neck, bringing him closer. "Make up your mind, babe."

"How long have you been waiting on these jobs, huh? Got enough time for-" He presses another nuzzling kiss to Midnighter's lips, a quick buck of his hips, another knee between his legs, remembering how well that had worked on him before. "-a quickie, don't you?"

And it works again. Midnighter groans. "Lucky you're so pretty," he mutters into Nyx's hairline, "and I haven't gotten any in a month."

It's meant to be teasing. Midnighter shivers, just slightly, letting Nyx do what he likes. The trust is the biggest fucking aphrodesiac in his life, and now more than ever, he trusts the man in front of him. His arms go to Nyx's hips, searching out a warm embrace, any excuse for closeness."

"Guess we should make up for lost time."

Midnighter seems content to just relax under his hands, leave him the reins, and Nyx is just as happy to take full advantage of the trust he's been given, pushing up the hem of Midnighter's shirt to run rough hands over his body, kneading and stroking as he presses kiss after nipping kiss to to the column of his throat, letting his mouth linger over the flutter of his pulse.

"Kinda wanna... get down on my knees for you." Fingers hooked into the waistband of his pants and a little tug just for emphasis, a smirk curling at the corner of his mouth. Just the thought of it drives a surge of heat toward his groin-- Midnighter backed against the wall, head thrown back, Nyx with his lips wrapped around him, but he also remembers the-- well, the first time they'd tried something like a blowjob, and how well that had worked out. Not that Nyx is opposed to making up some more bedtime stories if it came down to it... "But if you've got something else in mind, I'm all ears."

Midnighter swallows over a suddenly dry throat. "Yeah," he says with a slight wheeze. "How the fuck do I say no to that?"

He dips in for a quick kiss, though. Or-- well, he intends it to be quick, but he gets caught up in the smell and the feel of Nyx close by, of finally being allowed to love this man with all his heart, and so the kiss becomes slow and deep, Midnighter scrabbling for Nyx, pulling him closer. He breaks it to speak against Nyx's jaw, voice deep with lust and affection. "But," he says, "I get to decide how I get you off after."

The kiss catches him off guard, or rather, the sweetness of it, deep and hard and lingering long enough for Nyx to wonder dizzily if he'll need to come up for air, but fuck, he doesn't want it to stop. And the way Midnighter's arms tighten around him, the scrape of stubble against his jaw, damn. He's bedded plenty of strong people before, but never someone who could snap him in half with barely a thought,

It's fucking hot as hell.

"We'll see about that." He shifts against Midnighter, nudging him back against the nearest wall before stooping slightly to nuzzle into the hollow of his throat, set his teeth gently against his collar bone, exposed by his shirt. Nyx still has his shirt half pushed up, one hand tracing the curve of his ribs, thumbing over a nipple and the other set at his hip, leg still rubbing insistently against the bulge in his pants. "'Cause if I have it my way, I'm gonna blow you til you can't think straight."

Midnighter groans as Nyx grinds up into him, loving the shamelessness of it. Something to appreciate about Nyx, how he's always forward where sex is concerned. He knows what he wants, and he gets it, isn't ashamed or embarrassed. It's something Midnighter wishes he could be more.

"What," he says after another groan, his hips bucking against Nyx. "And leave you to jerk off in a corner? Gon- gonna be good to you, babe."

He lets his head loll back, hiding himself away on instinct. He'd like to be forward and fearless like Nyx, but legitimate shit tends to hold him back. "Especially, uh. Considering it might not be so quick."

Babe. Not the first time Midnighter's called him that, but it's still fucking strange... and sweet, in a way.

"Fine by me. I like taking my time,"

Despite saying that though, Nyx is obviously ready and raring to go, bright eyed and grinning with flushed delight, licking his lips before he sinks down to one knee, hands already working open the button to Midnighter's jeans and tugging down the fly.

"That's a great look for you, y'know."

Even after he has his pants open, he's not in any hurry, feeling out the shape of Midnighter's erection through the stiff denim, cupping him and giving him a firm squeeze before tugging down at the waistband of his pants just past his hips. Midnighter's briefs he leaves on a little longer, instead nuzzling into his groin, blowing hot breath against the thin fabric just covering his cock and then rubbing his cheek against him like a cat, teasing and playful before finally sliding a hand in to draw him out. Even now, Nyx is careful, touch light as breath as he presses a kiss to the tip, wondering in the back of his mind, if there's anything he can do to make this easier on Midnighter, to shut the computer up for a few minutes.

Midnighter looks down just in time for the computer to warn him that the 'enemy combattant' is about to cup his groin. He's not really expecting that, or anything that comes after it-- it's all a long pattern of the computer warning him, and Midnighter not quite believing it will happen until it does. It's... really nice? And also very strange, unexpectedly dear. Midnighter would be flattered, if he didn't have the sneaking suspicion this is a practiced dance, done for all his partners. How much of the things Midnighter thought were just between them have been done over and over again for others? How much of their intimacy is fake?

And then Nyx kisses the tip of his cock, and that- that doesn't answer his question, but it does make a feeling of fondness well up in him that stoppers his doubts, at least for now. Midnighter reaches down, trying to cradle Nyx's head for a moment, fingers slipping under tiny braids. "You're fucking sweet," he says, "and now I know what it'd look like if blowjobs were job interviews."

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